Feeling like Maxine, lost your usual charm, your partner thinks you are basic furniture like the moose head on the wall? Take a listen from Rosalinda. She will charm us into acting like adults--people other people like. Here is Rosalinda!
February 2014 NewsletterTurning Up The Charm
Being that February is the month that celebrates love. I thought I'd write about "charm"--which is sort of a requirement to be successful in love, wouldn't you agree?
“Charm is the glue that holds marriages together. Charm is your passport to the best houses and the best bedrooms in those houses. . .Every day begins with a couple of people getting out of bed. Every day ends with those people crawling into it again. . .even if you don’t carry it (charm) around all day with you, like a handbag or brief-case, you need it—and lots of it—all night.” --“Bed Manners, 1942”
Is it so different now? Is charm a thing of the past? What makes someone charming? What makes someone stop being charming?
"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." --Oscar Wilde
Why do lovers stop being charming to one another? Old-school thinking: "I've already got 'em, so..." New-school response: Um, do you wanna keep 'em (interested)?
Over time, those cute little mannerisms that once were so delightful and charming become tired, annoying, and even repulsive. Do we see it coming? Or do we wake up one morning and decide that we're over it?
Does your sweetheart get on your last nerve when they call you in the middle of your lunchtime? Did it bother you when you were dating?
Do you stop what you're doing to hug and kiss when they walk in the door at the end of the day? Remember when you couldn’t wait?
Do you cut him/her off mid-sentence? Do you walk away because you know what they’re going to say? Do you blurt a sarcastic response, or let out an impatient sigh? Remember when you’d listen to their every word in a caring and patient manner?
Do you still express interest in their hobby? Remember when you used to be their biggest cheerleader?
you used to open her door?
you used to make or buy him his favorite dessert?
you used to say “I love you” often?
you used to say “excuse me” if you burped or passed gas?
you used to shut the door when using the restroom?
you used to put on lipstick or try to look put together?
you used to put on a clean shirt and even a little cologne?
you used to ask if you could “get them something from the kitchen” when you got up?
you used to get up quietly so that you wouldn’t wake them up?
you used to keep your snide comments about his/her parents to yourself?
And then, you got comfortable, complacent, or too busy.
Maintaining (or reintroducing) a little charm can keep the relationship from getting stale, bitter, boring, and even unkind. It all starts with the smallest word or gesture.
If you feel awkward taking on all of the above, start with one and see how it goes.
Important note: If you are the recipient of a kind gesture or word, do NOT respond negatively or with skepticism. When someone gives you a gift, do you shoot it down or give it back? …same thing.
I highly recommend that you avoid the following responses and versions of them:
Charm does not equal formality. Charm is simply a way of pleasing someone, hence looking more attractive to them. Now who doesn't want that!
(To read my latest blog post "Picture Posting Privilege", please "click" on the photo of the teen washing dishes (upper right).
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall
_____Etiquette is an attitude.
NEW! Amazon Author Page:
Rosalinda Randall is an Societal Etiquette and Civility Consultant and Author, focusing on communication styles and enhancing reputations. Her California based company is Your Relationship Edge. She provides on-site workshops for sales teams, front office staff, new hires, from-home-to-work staff, managers, high school and college students. She brings a modern attitude and humor to the age-old topic of etiquette. 650.871.6200 http://www.yourrelationshipedge.com/