Book Review of "Read My Lipstick" (Josephine Stuart Mystery)

Dear mystery reading friends, I want to share a review of “Read My Lipstick” with you, and encourage you to cuddle up with your Kindle $4.99 and enjoy my stories. Yes, I am unabashedly asking for more reviews.

By B. Altman (Reviewer)
   
This review is from: "Read My Lipstick" (Josephine Stuart Mystery) (Kindle Edition) $4.99 

Well, Ms. Oroz has done it again!! A really fun book and I found it very hard to put it down. The adventures of Josephine and her darling Basset Hound...This story takes you all all the way from Aromos,Calif. to Tahoe in the snow. There is just one crazy thing after another that happens to Josephine. I am anxious for her next book..
I loved it!

Interview with Crime Fiction Author & Criminologist Jennifer Chase

Jennifer Chase is the first member of the Aromas Hills Artisans to be interviewed by Joyce Oroz. Stay tuned for more AHA interviews in the future!

Are you trying to scare the whole world with your stories, or just me? (shiver)

I approach my stories like an amusement park ride, buy a ticket, take a ride, and have fun in the process, with ups and downs… until the grand finale. Hopefully, you’ll want to take that ride again!

Who is Sarge and why is he so special? Does he inspire dog participation in your stories?

Sarge is my one year old, black Labrador retriever. He is very special. A wonderful dog companion that acts sometimes as my creative consultant. My latest crime fiction story, Silent Partner, was loosely inspired by my previous black Lab. It’s a story about a police K9 officer who is on the trail of a serial killer.

Are you and Emily related?

This question makes me giggle. I wish I was like Emily, but she’s a lot tougher and smarter than I am. Emily Stone is my heroine in my thriller series, Compulsion and Dead Game. I created this character to anonymously hunt down serial killers and child predators, while secretly emailing the cops in charge with the documented information.

If you could live and write anywhere, where would you live and why?

I love where I live in California right now. But, if I had to choose my second favorite place, it would be in Kauai. I love the beautiful island atmosphere and it sparks a lot of creative inspiration for me.

Are you a fair-weather writer, or do you like to write when it rains?

I love to write when it’s raining, storming in fact. I find it more difficult to write when it’s sunny and warm outside because I want to be out enjoying the weather.

When you finally take a day or two off from writing, what do you like to do?

I write 5-6 days a week. When I’m not writing, I find myself getting out to enjoy a hike, the beach with my dogs, or focusing my creativity on photography.

Do policemen read your books?

Yes, they do! I’m very fortunate to have met police officers through my research that I can now call them friends. I’ve had police K9 officers give the thumbs up on Silent Partner and other officers are fans of Emily Stone.

Thank you, Jennifer for all the nightmares, I mean, thrills. Do you have another story planned to keep me awake all night?

Thank you so much for the opportunity to chat today. Yes, I’m currently working on a fiction/thriller (Emily Stone Series #3) and it should be available before the end of the year.

About the author:

Jennifer Chase holds a bachelor's degree in police forensics and a master's degree in criminology. Her intense curiosity in the psychological aspect of crime is what drives her to write crime fiction/. She is the author of Compulsion, Dead Game, and Silent Partner. She lives in California, where she's currently at work on her next book in the series.

For more information about Author Jennifer Chase, please click here.

Book signing at the Brewery (Josephine’s favorite hang-out)

SPECIAL EVENT - FAMILY-FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE-BOOK EVENT BY MYSTERY AUTHOR JOYCE OROZ - 'SECURE THE RANCH'

A DAY FULL OF FUN!

What could be more fun and relaxing than a visit to the Brewery Café in Boulder Creek? Even better, the Brewery will be hosting a book event for the popular mystery novel, "Secure the Ranch". Joyce Oroz, local author, will sign her books and answer questions Saturday, March 26th, 1:00 to 4:00. Profits will go to the SLV Home School FUND.

The Brewery has a lovely, family-friendly atmosphere and great menu. If you are hungry, Chef Judd will be at your service. Oroz will be greeting folks in a room at the back of the dinning room. She will sit near the homemade cookies!

"Secure the Ranch" is the first book in the Josephine Stuart Mystery Series. Oroz will talk about the story which unfolds mainly in Boulder Creek. She will also talk about her second book in the series, "Read My Lipstick", which will be available in April.

"Secure the Ranch" follows a mystery surrounding Josephine Stuart, an artist who is hired to paint murals for a wealthy client high in the mountains of California. After strange accidents, occurrences, and the death of a wildlife ranger, Josephine finds she is unable to set aside her curiosity and delves deep into a mystery best left alone.

Join the fun, support a local school and take home a fantastic read.

Author Appearances & Book Signings of "Secure the Ranch" by Author Joyce Oroz
Boulder Creek Brewery & Cafe
13040 California 9
Boulder Creek, CA 95006
(831) 338-7882

When: Saturday, March 26th, 2011
Time: 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM

If you cannot make it to this great event, you can still Purchase "Secure the Ranch" in
Paperback format here or the Kindle Format here.

Choosing a Subject for Your Mural - Muraling Part Three

Murals are not just added fluff. Think of them as practical help for boring or flawed rooms. Your wall painting can actually create an illusion of more space in a small room. You don’t need hammer and nails to do the work. With proper perspective you can expand the walls and create a feeling of roominess. Why not paint some extra indoor space, outdoor space or outer space. (flying saucers included) Let your imagination soar.

Maybe you like the idea of having a mural in a certain room, but you don’t know what the subject of the painting should be. First concentrate on the room. Does the room look cold or bland? Are the architectural features, modern, conventional or traditional? Consider the style of furniture, and how the space is being used. Let the room or wall speak to you and tell you what it needs.

Once you have acquainted yourself with the needs of the room, you are ready to zero in on a subject or theme for your wall. Good places to search for pictures to copy are; magazines, your local library and the internet. Once you know what you want to paint, research the details (close-up pictures). If you wish to paint a field of flowers, for example, you should search the internet and various books and catalogues for detailed pictures of your chosen subject. With paper and pencil, familiarize yourself with the subject by sketching it. Thumbnail sketches at first, and then a large detailed sketch if you feel you need one.

Author Joyce Oroz
Mystery Novel "Secure the Ranch"

Available in Paperback for $18.95 and you can purchase here
Available in Kindle Format for the amout of $2.99 and can be purchased here

Efforts are underway to unscramble the boat pile-up at the Santa Cruz Harbor Tsunami mess

Picture taken by Avery Laurin

A dozen more boats are being pulled from up from the bottom as rogue docks float willy nilly with the tide.

Author Joyce Oroz Takes a Trip to Arizona - Mysterious Burros Spotted

Boston has its Terriers, France has its Poodles and Arizona has Burros galore. They wander the deserts, looking adorable in their brown fury coats and jackrabbit ears.

Recently I was driving along a two-lane Arizona road, when half a dozen burros crossed in front of my car just three car-lengths ahead. I pulled over just as they turned and posed for a picture, and than galloped back to my side of the road for another picture. Hamming it up, they crossed the road again and waited for me to take a final shot.

Obviously the burros were undecided as to where they wanted to be, or was it a senior moment and they forgot where they left their glasses—who knows. Anyway, the Highway Patrol arrived and ushered them along to better pastures. I continued my journey, still smiling and thinking about those darling little burros.



























All Photos were taken my Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure The Ranch" - Mystery
"Secure the Ranch" is available in Paperback and Kindle Format!

Mystery of the Ballooning Biscuits

After ten years of no biscuits (because I can’t have wheat gluten) I had a craving for one. I shuffled through my recipe books and decided to go with a very impressive book from an impressive culinary school. I shopped for potato starch, tapioca starch, white rice flour, brown rice flour, guar gum, turpentine and candle wax. Actually, I stopped at the guar gum. Thinking I had everything, I set out bowls, utensils and a cookie sheet. Dang! I needed buttermilk. (not exactly a staple at our house) So the biscuits were put off for another day. A drive to the store means twenty minutes down and twenty minutes back, and an investment in gasoline. The biscuits would now cost two dollars each, but I was so far into it I had to follow through. The big day finally came. I was already drooling over the biscuit I was about to create. Carefully I measured all the dry ingredients and stirred them together with baking powder and sugar in a large bowel. In a smaller bowl, I mixed 2 eggs, melted butter and 2 ¾ cups buttermilk, just like the recipe said. Why think about it when the recipe does all the thinking? But I had a feeling something was wrong. Traditional biscuits are made with very little liquid. The batter should be stiff—hard to stir. I poured the wet ingredients into the dry and stirred. I had soup! I rechecked the recipe. I had done everything correctly—now I had to think for myself. I began tossing in more and more dry ingredients until the mixture was thicker (but not stiff) and threatening to overflow the bowl. Still salivating over a possible warm biscuit with butter and honey, I decided to go ahead and bake the not-stiff batter. I baked tray after tray of three-inch Frisbees, ending up with close to four dozen pancake-biscuits. I have a food-rule I follow religiously, “If it’s not rotten, freeze it.” Our two little freezers are bursting with frozen biscuits which I sample periodically with great pleasure. Lightest little things you’ll ever find. They work well as toaster popups. The moral to this story is: "Just because it’s in print—doesn’t make it so” Author Joyce Oroz Mystery Novel: "Secure the Ranch" (Available in Paperback and Kindle Format)

Muraling Part 2

Muraling Part Two

We use cameras to capture a perfect image. A painting is better than perfect. It’s a personal expression, a reflection of your feelings and a depiction of your dreams. Or maybe it’s just a silly cartoon that makes you happy. Remember, the most important tools at your disposal are; your imagination, ingenuity and heart. Some skill is required, but skill comes in all sizes. Your fortitude and sense of humor will see you through.

The easiest way

to a happy mural experience is to lower your expectations a titch, and then surprise yourself with a painting you didn’t know you could accomplish. I’m here to be your cheerleader and push you forward into rewarding new projects.

I will give you the information you need to complete the murals of your choice.

Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure the Ranch" - Mystery Novel

Excerpt from The Mystery Novel "Secure the Ranch" By Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure The Ranch" By Author Joyce Oroz
Mystery----Suspense ---Mystery Series
(Available in either Paperback format of Kindle)

Hope you all enjoy!




July's full moon rose above my head, revealing itself occasionally through a canopy of leafy tree limbs stretching over the creek. I watched beams of moonlight turn ordinary splashes of water into silvery jewels as the creek cut a path through the dark, pervasive forest full of wild animals. Fortunately I was an adult and didn't have to worry about unseen lions, tigers and bears. I told myself I was safe because nature's creatures were asleep for the night. I only had to watch out for the meanest animal of all, the armed pot farmer. That animal gave me shivers of dread.

Somewhere in the dark, an owl gave two hoots and a second later, hot breath and terrifying guttural snarls were inches from my face. I recoiled automatically, falling into the water, butt first. I scrambled toward the middle of the stream, half walking, half crawling over and around the rocks.

Glancing back, I saw Thor in the moonlight, thrashing around on his hind legs, trying to rid himself of the short rope tied around his neck. The other end of the rope was tied to a tree at the edge of the water. So that was where Kenneth left the mastiff. I was pretty sure the dog knew my scent and would like to tear me apart for old-time sake. The growling, slobbering canine tried over and over again to break free as I hurried past him and continued my trek down stream.

I thought about Solow and remembered that I had left his dinner bowl on the porch near his bed. He would need water, but I was sure he could find some on his own. Bet he's upset with me right now, I thought.

In my head I calculated the number of hours since my last meal. It had been about twenty-eight hours, give or take two, since I wasn't wearing a watch. Solow's kibble, with a little salt and pepper, would have been a welcome gourmet treat at that point.

I was wet up to my waist and the tiniest breeze sent my teeth chattering uncontrollably, but I refused to let anything get in the way of my plan to follow the river ... follow the river … follow the river. The creek offered short stretches of beach from time to time, but usually I just sloshed through the water, one foot in front of the other, sometimes hopping rocks I could barely see in the dark.

Author Joyce Oroz

The Art of Journaling

Journaling is like muraling without the pictures. Maybe that’s a stretch, but in both cases we are expressing what’s in our hearts. Expression is therapeutic. Reading our own words allows us to see more clearly who we are and how we really feel. Our journal is for our eyes only, which frees us to talk about whatever crosses our mind.

I have been journaling for the last ten years, regularly. It became a habit, like brushing my teeth. I picked up the habit from my friend, Raymond Lee Zanger, author of “Window of Self.” It is a very precise and instructive book on the techniques and history of writing a diary. Ray is the owner of one of the largest diary collections in the world.

I took Ray’s class, remembered the parts I wanted to remember, and put together a plan for journaling that is a bit looser than his.

Here are the aspects of journaling that work for me. Just like muraling, journaling requires a little preparation.

Buy yourself a NICE little journal (you wouldn’t want to waste that investment).

Your book should be bound—not the ring-type (so you won’t be tempted to rip out a page

Use an ink pen (so you won’t be tempted to erase your own words).

Make it a pen that flows well (so there are no excuses not to write.).

Place the book and pen in a permanent and convenient spot, like the coffee table near your favorite chair (so every evening, there it is, waiting for you to talk about your day).

I spend approximately five minutes per evening writing down the events of the day. The first thing I write is the day of the week, the month, day and year (every entry) at. Jan. 22, 2011—next line is the substance of the day.

Where did I go and what did I do and with whom

Any thoughts about what happened during the day (I use little happy and sad faces a lot)

I write three to ten lines every evening before I go to bed

I write down new medications, and how old ones are working

Any change in diet or medical symptoms

New ideas I want to hold onto, things to do

The one thing I would like to stress is, DON”T STRESS. This is your journal and you can write anything, as much or as little as you want. But you must train yourself to write—even if it’s only one silly sentence, even if it’s only one happy face icon.

The real fun happens when you pick up your journal a year later, or many years later. Even the smallest entry brings back the day, the people, the feelings you had. In other words, that day was not lost. That day had importance and the events kept their importance because you wrote them down. You can bring back to mind your own history.

Some people are more long-winded than others. Just because I write a bare-bones diary doesn’t mean you can’t write in detail, fifty lines a night if you like. The more the better.

Set a realistic goal and stick to it!

Author Joyce Oroz
"Secure the Ranch" - Mystery Novel - Available in Kindle and Paperback Format.

When Sandy reads Secure the Ranch, she especially likes the parts about Solow, and her favorite mishap is…

“Oh, my God, Solow,” I gasped. I hadn’t a clue how he took the crash. I jumped up and raced out the front door. Herbert had the light on in the garage that looked like Hurricane Josephine had hit it. I rounded the truck and opened the passenger door. Solow practically fell out. I helped him to the ground, noticing his whole backside was crimson. I stifled a cry with my hand. Tears welled up as I embraced the best dog-friend a person could have. Down close, hugging him, he smelled like strawberries.

Once I realized Solow was wearing strawberries and a few other food groups, I relaxed considerably. He had polished off a pound of ground round, a pint of “cookies and cream” ice cream and a dozen raw eggs. He had been literally rolling in groceries under the dash.


Every dog’s dream!

Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure the Ranch" - Mystery Novel

Book Review of "Secure the Ranch" By Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure The Ranch" by Joyce Oroz

***** (5 0ut 5) Stars

Good clean book with loads of excitement

Review Done By Wendy M Carter
Paperback: 416 pages
Publisher: Outskirts Press (May 19, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1432758926
ISBN-13: 978-1432758929

"Secure the Ranch" is available in both Kindle and Paperback

This mystery book was full of twists and turns, and I like the fact that you can't guess what happens in the end. It was simple enough for my 11 year old to read but had enough umph for an adult. My mother who I have never seen read a book, picked it up and could not put it down.

Aromas Sheep Barn

Photo taken by Author Joyce Oroz

Muraling Part One - For Fun and Profit

Introduction

From crude cave depictions, to twenty-first century can-art, murals decorate our lives and expound our culture. Because practically everyone on earth is familiar with pictures painted on walls, what could be a more natural decoration? Have you thought about painting a wall someday? Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? And if the painting doesn’t reach your expectations, you try again because it’s only paint!

I encourage you to envision, research and eventually paint a mural. Let go of any “must be perfect” hang-ups you might be harboring, and enjoy your own artistic creativity. If the project goes well and you enjoy the process, I will show you how to turn muraling into a profitable business.

I want to share with you some information about myself. I grew up drawing and painting and eventually turned that love of art into a career. During the last thirty years I have completed hundreds of murals, dozens of paintings, many illustrations, portraits, landscapes, seascapes, plus insignias on the side of a small airplane, a VW bug and a tow truck. If it holds still, I paint it.

Hopefully, you too, will discover the joy of painting on a grand scale, turning walls into wonderful room enhancements. A house is a house is a house, unless it has a mural in it. When a house or business has a mural, it becomes distinctive, novel, memorable and personal. People will think you were brave to attempt such a project, when in reality, you were having fun. If your first attempt didn’t work, you knew that all you needed to do was paint over it and start again.

Why decorate with a mural instead of a framed painting? Why paint a wall celery green or plum purple instead of white? Why eat a brownie when you can have a cracker? Life is what we make it, so give it the highest octane you have. Personalize your rooms. Let them speak about you and the extravagance of your imagination. Give the walls flavor and attitude and let them shine with the special creativity only you have at your disposal.

Author Joyce Oroz

"Secure the Ranch"

Secure the Ranch is available in both Paperback and Kindle Format

Poem "Weather" Written By Joyce Riley

Photo Taken by Avery Laurin


Though my eyes are closed and shades are drawn,

My inner clock tells me it is dawn.

But, I hear no sounds of birds a calling,

Only silence of snowflakes falling.

The shades fly up. My eyes grow wide.

There is a world of white outside.

Where heavy laden pine trees stand

As guardians of winterland


Photo Taken by Avery Laurin

Poem Writen by Joyce Riley (cousin of Joyce Oroz) and Photography is by Avery laurin (Joyce Oroz's grandson)

Author Joyce Oroz - "Secure The Ranch"

Available in both Kindle and Paperback

Small Town, Big Heart

Aromas residents treasure their miniature community park, petite post office, cozy library, dinky gas station and big mural (compared to everything else.) The whole town is small, but it’s jumping with energy, creativity, and kind folks who know how to look after each other.

As a long-time muralist, I became involved in the local mural project known as; how to make a down town rustic eye-sore look good. The ancient paint-peeling eye-sore was called Marshall’s Service. ( next door to Marshall’s Grocery) All that remained was a small, two-story wood building in the center of town.

When I was first approached to design a mural for the Marshall building, I didn’t know any of its history, not even the fact that it was once a gas station. (dah) I produced eight different designs and asked the Aromas Hills Artisans to vote on the one best suited. Most of the votes went to the picture of a 1936 International delivery truck and an old-style gas pump.

Being fairly new in Aromas, I still didn’t have a clue. I thought they liked the truck picture because it included chickens and striped canopies. But as the painting progressed, people stopped by to tell me how much they appreciated the mural. It seemed many of them had known, or knew about, Mr. Marshall and his family. After talking to the folks for two days, I realized how deep the roots of Aromas were, how much my neighbors loved their tiny town—and now I’m on of them.

I shall be interviewing members of the Aromas Hills Artisans, one at a time, beginning with author, Jennifer Chase. Stay tuned!

Unraveling the Dietary Mysteries of Labrador Retrievers

Rumors are flying that a golden lab named Sandy eats artichokes. “No way,” they all say. But she has been seen scraping the good stuff off the leaves with clenched teeth. You go, girl! Just don’t get caught between Sandy and fresh cabbage leaves. Trampling is never pretty.

The rumors get more ridiculous. Sandy has been spotted pulling weeds with her teeth and eating them. As she works hard to manicure the backyard, her boyfriend, Rocky, on the other side of the cyclone fence mimics her. Now his yard is looking good too.

Sandy is never allowed to have candy, but she can be rather persuasive as she holds an Easter bucket in her mouth, hoping for donations. She finally gives up the bucket and takes a stroll wearing her fake fur bunny ears. Try that, Rocky!

You know it’s a bad day when:

Your dog brings home a bone. You say, “good boy.” Six cop cars surround your neighbor’s house. They discover a body buried in the backyard (minus one femur) and your property value drops by half because you live in a dangerous neighborhood.

From "Secure the Ranch"

“Oh, my God, Solow,” I gasped. I hadn’t a clue how he took the crash. I jumped up and raced out the front door. Herbert had the light on in the garage that looked like Hurricane Josephine had hit it. I rounded the truck and opened the passenger door. Solow practically fell out. I helped him to the ground, noticing his whole backside was crimson. I stifled a cry with my hand. Tears welled up as I embraced the best dog-friend a person could have. Down close, hugging him, he smelled like strawberries.

Once I realized Solow was wearing strawberries and a few other food groups, I relaxed considerably. He had polished off a pound of ground round, a pint of cookies and cream ice cream and a dozen raw eggs. He had been literally rolling in groceries under the dash. Every dog’s dream!

Book Review for Secure the Ranch

**** Stars

By Robert "Dimndbangr" Hicks (Honolulu, HI)
This review is from: Secure the Ranch (Paperback)

Secure the Ranch is the first book by debut author Joyce Oroz.

Secure the Ranch follows a mystery surrounding Josephine Stuart, an artist who is hired to paint some murals for a wealthy client high in the mountains of California. After strange accidents, occurrences, and the death of a wildlife ranger, Josephine finds she is unable to set aside her curiosity and delves deep into a mystery best left alone. Some subplots involve her friendship with one of her neighbors, visits with her mom and dad, and others that would lead to spoilers.

I will have to admit that the writing in this book is well done. Even though I may have found myself hesitant at times to pick the book back up from other things I was doing, once I did, I was engrossed and read chapter after chapter. The characters were also better than I imagined they would be at the beginning. I had a vision of the wealthy clients to be the snobbish type and they turned out to be much better than that and I was thankful. There was some nice depth to the characters and they were easy to connect with.

Some criticisms:

1. The dialogue, though done well enough throughout the majority of the book had some abrupt endings to it. It just felt like there was more to be said, but the next thing I know, the story moves on to something else. Mostly this happens while Josephine is searching for answers of what is going on.

2. There were a couple of inconsistencies in this book. The main one is at the beginning when Josephine is getting ready for bed; she sets the alarm for 7:30. In the next chapter, she is woken to music coming from the clock radio at 7.

Some Positives

1. I really did enjoy the characters in this novel. Everyone had their own voice and was easy to distinguish from the other characters. The reader can easily connect with the characters.

2. In just about every chapter, something happens to keep the reader engaged in the story. Ms. Oroz really knows how to keep a mystery going and giving just enough tidbits for the reader to try to figure out what is going on and who is involved.

3. The imagery is nicely detailed without overbearing the reader with all the details. It is a nice mix of giving the author's vision while at the same time leaving out enough so the reader can fill in the rest.

There are reviewers who compare this with Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. Aside from having a pet, bill collectors calling constantly, and an overactive sense of curiosity, that is about where the comparison ends. I will say I did enjoy this book and if there are to be more books from this author, I will definitely buy them. I know most of Janet Evanovich's fans are getting tired of the stale trail the plum books have been following, so I would recommend this one to them for a refreshing view away from the every day.

Happy reading

Get your copy of Secure the Ranch

Available in Paperback and Kindle

Wally Finds a Home

He’s bigger than a bread box, better looking than a leaf blower and sweeter than all the rocks in my garden. I have an emergency solar-powered generator named, Wally, sitting quietly on my deck, waiting for a power outage. Or he could keep a few lights and such running all year round!

You might ask how Wally ended up on my doorstep and why did I adopt him. If you had a fourteen-year-old grandson who could invent and create a machine like Wally, you would be as proud as I am. The design and work are all his! Thank you, Avery.

My boy, Wally is the prototype for future generations of solar machines. State your needs and specs—Avery will put it together for you. If you are interested in adopting a Wally (or you can name her Geraldine) send me a comment at the end of this article.

Take a Peek Into Josephine's World...

Excerpt from Secure the Ranch:

Then I heard it, coming up fast from behind, the roar of an engine propelling a truck with major muffler problems. It backfired. I jumped a couple inches in my seat and my heart skipped several beats. Headlights flashed in my rearview mirror. Solow howled again, his head stretched out the window as far as it could go. I made a right turn onto Central Avenue, stifling the urge to stomp on the gas pedal. The truck behind us followed at the same speed until we left the streetlights behind.

Highway nine was a windy two-lane road that followed the San Lorenzo River through the redwood forest from Boulder Creek, all the way south to Felton. There were no street lights, just sharp turns, narrow bridges and steep drops down to the river.

“Brace yourself, big guy.” I put my foot down hard, the engine coughed, and we sped up only to slow down for a sharp turn.

And so it went, turn after turn with the Dodge bearing down on our tailgate like an eight-cylinder cat playing with a four-cylinder mouse. I had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel, sweat running down my back and my jaw was tighter than a double-knotted shoelace. I had driven through the valley many times and knew my way around, but the McFee's had the “home advantage”.

I felt a hard jolt from the right rear of my truck. Solow yipped.

In slow motion, we spun to the left on two wheels, across the other lane and instantly turned a closed garage door into a million toothpicks. The one-car garage, perched high above the river beside a rustic cabin, stood about five yards from the highway. The little house was typical of many in the area, probably built in the thirties or forties when building codes were lenient or nonexistent.

Thankfully, we stopped before my pickup could break through the back wall of the garage and drop eighty feet down to the river. I heard Solow whine and didn't blame him. I felt like a good cry myself.

Shaking like crazy, I cautiously opened the door and climbed out. Once I had my balance, I stumbled down a dark path to the cabin. The porch light blinked on and the front door opened. A very distraught elderly couple dressed in pajamas looked at me as if the Martians had landed.

I stepped into the light and apologized profusely. Feeling wobbly, I wrapped my arm around a porch pillar. I always hated it when females fainted in the old movies, and I never wanted to be a fainter. But there I was, feeling numb and shaking like a maple leaf. Next thing I knew, I was laying on a couch too short for my body. My feet were up on the armrest. Pieces of peanut butter sandwich clung to the toe of my right sandal. “So that's where Theda's sandwich went,” I mumbled.

The plump little old lady patted the goose egg on my forehead with a wet cloth. “I'm so sorry I ruined your garage door. I'm sure my insurance will pay for a new one.” I looked up and thought I was hallucinating. A huge caribou head hung on the wall behind the couch. Its yellow marble eyes glared down at me accusingly.

“Relax, dear,” the frizzy-haired woman said. “You've had a terrible shock.”

The elderly man stomped into the house with his pajamas in a twist and announced that his collection of stuffed animals was a complete loss. It seemed odd to me that he wasn't nearly as concerned about his garage door as he was about some silly stuffed animals.

“I'd be happy to buy you some new ones,” I said, feeling horribly guilty. The little lady looked like she was ready to split a gut. “Honey, you can't buy them. You have to kill the mangy animals and then they're stuffed and ready to spend thirty years in the garage, or until a nice accident takes them out.” She couldn't hold back any longer and let loose with uncontrollable laughter, slapping her knees and wiping her eyes. Her husband stomped out of the house.