Who's Securing the Ranch?

Spring has sprung, birds are singing, deer are feeding on my roses and bugs are eating everything the gophers didn't get. Feeling out numbered, I recruited a professional. I know the pro is in good shape because he slept all winter. 

Solow showed up for work looking strong and relaxed. He immediately secured the perimeter of my property by peeing on every post, bush and tree. No right-minded deer will enter his marked area. 

He proceeds to a back yard snail invasion, collects them in a bucket and drags the bucket next door to a gaggle of ducks. They always appreciate a free meal. 

Solow is working harder than any basset I know. Already he is digging dozens of holes across my property, figuring to come across a gopher sooner or later. He has a plan to relocate the little beasts if he should actually catch one. 

Rather than step in a hole and break my ankle, I’ll just enjoy the out doors from inside. Isn't that what windows are for?

Principal Prager Pulls no Punches..........Prager

                                                     This is not Mr. Prager..... this is Michael

If I were the Principal of a school.....this is the speach I would make, but Mr. Prager beat me to it and he is a real principal of a real school.
A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give.
By Dennis Prager .

To the students and faculty of our high school:

I am your new principal, and honored to be so.
There is no greater calling than to teach young people.

I would like to apprise you of some important changes coming to our school. I am making these changes because I am convinced that most of the ideas that have dominated public education in America have worked against you, against your teachers and against our country.

First , this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity.
I could not care less if your racial makeup is black, brown, red, yellow or white. I could not care less if  your origins are African, Latin American, Asian or European, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships.  The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity -- your character, your scholarship, your humanity.   And the only national identity this school will care about is American.

This is an American public school, and American  public schools were created to make better Americans.  If you wish to  affirm an ethnic, racial or religious identity through school, you will have to go elsewhere. We will end all ethnicity, race and non-American nationality-based celebrations. They undermine the motto of America , one of its three central values -- epluribus Unum, "from many, one." And this school will be guided by America 's values. This includes all after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation or whatever else may become in vogue in a society divided by political correctness.

Your clubs will be based on interests and passions, not blood, ethnic, racial or other physically defined ties.  Those clubs just cultivate narcissism -- an unhealthy preoccupation with the self -- while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself.
Second , I am uninterested in whether English is your native language.  So we will have clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, carpentry and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interested in are those based on ethnic, racial or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.

My only interest in terms of  language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America 's citizens for over 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country.  And if you leave this school without excellent English language skills, I would be remiss in my duty to ensure that you will be prepared to successfully compete in the American job market. We will learn other languages here -- it is deplorable that most Americans only speak English -- but if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not your school.

Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning's elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly.  Many people in our society dress more formally for Hollywood events than for church or school. These people have their priorities backward. Therefore, there will be a formal dress code at this school.

Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school's property -- whether in class, in the hallways or at athletic events. If you can't  speak without using the f -word, you can't speak.  By obscene language I mean the words banned by the Federal Communications Commission, plus epithets such as "Nigger," even when used by one black student to address another black, or "bitch," even when addressed by a girl to a girlfriend.  It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few your age to instinctively distinguish between the elevated and the degraded, the holy and the obscene.

Fifth,  we will end all self-esteem programs.  In this school, self-esteem will be attained in only one way -- the way people attained it until decided otherwise a generation ago -- by earning it. One immediate consequence is that there will be one valedictorian, not eight.

Sixth,  and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and away from politics and propaganda. No more time will be devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment or global warming.  No more semesters will be devoted to condom wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only or primarily a health issue...   There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual or not Christian.  We will have failed if any one of you graduates this school and does not consider him or herself inordinately fortunate -- to be alive and to be an American.

Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of  Allegiance to the flag of our country. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.

Johanna's Carrot Cake.........by Joyce oroz

Today we will bounce (or hop) off the "Easter bunny theme" onto the "carrot cake theme."
My husband loves carrot cake (health food in his word) but he hates gluten-free anything except a certain recipe for gluten-free carrot cake given to me by my dear x-sister-in-law's daughter, Johanna Sherley. This cake has the texture and moistness of the real thing.

Gluten-free Carrot Cake

Ingredients:
3 cups almond flour
1 t sea salt
1 t baking soda
1 T cinnamon
1 t nutmeg
5 eggs
1/2 cup sugar or sugar replacement
1/4 cup grapeseed oil                                                        
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped walnuts
2 cups grated carrots

1. combine dry ingredients in large bowl
2. mix together eggs, sugar and oil in medium bowl
3. add carrots, raisins and nuts into wet ingredients
4. stir wet into dry
5. pour batter into 2 well-greased 9 inch cake pans
6. bake at 325 for about 30 minutes or more

Frost with cream cheese frosting:

Frosting:
whip together 16 ounces of whipped cream cheese, 2 t vanilla and 3/4 cup powdered sugar

Artist of the Month, Shirley Sedgwick......by Joyce oroz

 

 

 

 

The “Artist of the Month” title for April has landed squarely on the delightful, intelligent and talented, Shirley Sedgwick. She is a bright light in the AHA guild and a shining star at the Dragonfly Gallery. April will never be the same now that our hula instructor has taken the title and displayed her lovely baskets and cards at the Aromas Gallery.

Shirley has a history of living in interesting parts of this country. She has photographed wildlife in California, Hawaii, Oklahoma, Massachusetts, Washington State, not to mention more exciting places like Africa and Prunedale. It all started with a little Brownie camera, until her husband, Charles gave her a 35 mm upgrade. Shirley worked as a docent along side Charles the Zoologist. Her up-close and personal photos of wild animals are spectacular, but I also love the very creative and sensitive shots of dogs, cats and flowers.

Because of her interest in primates, Shirley earned a Masters in anthropology. Living for a time in Massachusetts, with a knowledge and interest in developing civilizations, she naturally learned to weave Nantucket Lightship Baskets. The Cadillac of baskets. Here is Shirley in her own words:

 "The Nantucket Lightship Basket has evolved since settlers first inhabited Nantucket, Massachusetts in the 18^th century.  Its creators were first influenced by the Algonkian Indians who used simple weaving patterns in their baskets and later by the Nantucketers who added strength with a wooden bottom.  The beauty of the Nantucket Lightship Basket was perfected by the sailors who served aboard the U.S. lightships in the 1840’s through the 1890’s.  They added a third element in its evolution."

 "Because lighthouses could not be built easily on the mud and shifting sands of the Nantucket shoals, the United States government commissioned lightships to be anchored in that area to caution whaling and other vessels of the hazards off the island.  The lightships would be anchored in a given location for 3-5 months at a time.  To pass leisure time many of the seamen, who also were coopers (people who make or repair wooden casks or tubs), became basket makers.  They developed the technique of using molds (from their cooperage skills) in order to give their baskets exact measurements for use in trading, selling, etc.  This third element of the Nantucket Lightship Basket became the final development in its evolution.  Naturally, each basket maker added his own personal signature trademarks of creativity."

 "A beautiful Nantucket Lightship Basket is characterized by its wooden bottom, its tight rattan or wooden weave, and its mold-based construction."

  "My interests in both basketry and photography were enhanced while living in New England.  As an anthropologist, I found the evolution of the Nantucket Lightship Basket intriguing.  The sailors on the lightships incorporated the knowledge of the Indian basket makers with their own cooperage skills to develop the beautiful lightship baskets. And having been raised in California and Hawaii, I found the beauty of the four seasons of Massachusetts soothing to the soul and mystifying to the eye.  I was able to capture images from the early spring through the fall and into the snowy winters.  Those pictures, added to my already developing file of animal photos, have given me many years of pleasure in photography."

 Thank you, Shirley for a great history lesson.

The lovely baskets are available at the Dragonfly Gallery, 380 Blohm, Aromas, just in time for May Day, May 1^st. 

Saturday, April 27th, Shirley will be demonstrating her basket weaving at the Dragonfly Gallery from 2:00 to 4:00. Please join us for refreshments and Hawaiian music. 

 

 

 

Discovering the Grill.........by Joyce oroz

 

Dear Readers,

As you know, I write about things I feel passionately about, such as food, eating, dining, cooking, salmon and checking out the food at the Aromas Grill. I had to check it twice to make sure my first impression was correct. It was. The food is utterly divine! My first try was a fajita salad. Fabulous. Second try, Salmon on a Caesar Salad. The very fresh fish was cooked perfectly. Not everyone can cook fish. I gave up on it years ago. Now I let the pros cook it for me and believe me, the Grill has a pro in the kitchen. Excuse me if I gush, but I am very particular about my salmon and today’s fish was extraordinary. I might have to go back to the Grill a third time to make sure I was right about the first and second visit.

 Aromas Grill offers fresh food from local farms:

 Kid’s Menu full of kid’s favorites.

 Breakfasts such as Eggs Benedict, Aromas Omelet, French Toast with Egg, Sausage and Bacon, Steak and Eggs, a Veggie Omelet and more.

 Appetizers such as Crispy Fried Artichoke Hearts, Grill Crab Cakes, Calamari, Clams, Melted Nacho Platter and more.

 Clam Chowder

 Salads such as, Grilled Vegetable Salad, Crab Cake Salad and much more.

 Sandwiches such as an array of Burgers, Chicken, Philly Cheese Steak, Salmon or Snapper and more.

 Pizza!!! Meat Lovers, Artichoke Heart, Veggie Heaven, Pepperoni and more.

 Dinners such as Angus NY Strip, Grilled Monterey Salmon, Blackened Red Snapper, Chicken Fettuccine, Shrimp Penne Pasta, Fish Tacos and more.

 Enjoy coffee, wine, desert, a cheerful atmosphere, music on Friday nights and so much more.

Breakfast is served on Saturday and Sunday 8am – 11am

Lunch and dinner Tuesday – Sunday. For reservations call 831-726-9999

 

I know you will love this place—and to think it landed in good old Aromas!

 

 

Your Cap is Growing a Succulent.........by unknown author

 

 

 

 

 Today I am passing on a funny story from an unknown author.

This adorable sculpture was created by Sally Diggory and sets the stage for the story.

 Older folks can remember and relate--younger people will have to imagine the details.

When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They  were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's  stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure  carved from a potato chip.

The  mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity  department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking  like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can  wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a  sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent  rubber bands.

What  choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and  entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first  thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch  material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I  believe,
by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which  gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into  one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe  at your passing midriff would immediately suffer  whiplash.

I  fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap  in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had  disappeared!

Eventually,  I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find  the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh  rib.

The  problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman  is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed  bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a  full view assessment.

The  bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits  of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously  from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing  undersized cling wrap.

As  I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the  prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there  you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I  replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I  tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking  tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized  napkin in a serving ring.

I  struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and  came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a  rough day.

I  tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a  jellyfish in mourning.

I  tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would  have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally,  I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style  bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and  bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful  outcome, I figured.

When  I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become  transparent in water."

So,  if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this  year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a  T-shirt!

You'd  better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't  about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or  without a stylish bathing suit!

"""You  can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the  future"""


 

 

      

 

We Remember Jerry Harness.......by Joyce Oroz

Our friend, Jerry Harness passed away last week. He was at home, holding Mary's hand when "his time" came. We will miss Jerry's gentle presence at our AHA meetings, his modesty as he shares his latest painting with us. He lived a long and productive life. I am posting some of Jerry's artwork to remind us of his sensitive rendering of important subjects. May he rest in peace.